I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
