Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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