We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
