what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we're making bets on your personal life
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
