I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
