Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
