i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
COCAINE IS GR8
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
