i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
