Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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