When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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