i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
