i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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