LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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