Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
