I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
