i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
