Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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