I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
