every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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