I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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