How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
