Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
