worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
