I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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