there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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