I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
