The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
