You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He shit in the fireplace
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
