I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He did a backflip because drugs
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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