you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We need a shit load of segways right now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
