You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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