I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
