morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you win again, gameday.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
