I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
