We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
