im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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