He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
