Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
