i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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