Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
