I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
