I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
