is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
