Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
