Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
