Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
