i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
