Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My ATM looks so different sober.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
