well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
