we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
