apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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