she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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