I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
